jeremiahandrews-deactivated2016 asked: I know the feeling you . I hope you find the right one, there is a fine line between lifetime and being owned by someone who will abuse you and ignore your pleas. Be very careful what you ask of another human being, and what you are willing to let go of to find it. remember this.

Strangely enough, I was just thinking about this, and you’re exactly right.

I don’t normally post my responses publicly, but I’m going to do so with this one…

Some of the hows and the whys for how we feel are difficult to put into words, so feel free to ask if I haven’t made something clear.

Why I Feel How I Do

My entire life, I’ve been interested in .  Interested to the point where I’ve been a little “too open” with friends from time to time, but my vocalness has led to quite a bit of fun too.

At some point, several years ago, it became clear that I wanted to do this long term. I discussed it with a of friends, and surprisingly, they were quire supportive.

I knew I had to “make sure” however that I would be making the right decision, and a few of my friends helped me experience increasingly longer periods of bondage and .

At the same time, I reached out to people on the internet actually going through the same experiences that I was interested in. I learned a LOT in talking with them, and through those two things, taking with people actually doing it, and the experiences I shared with my friends, I ultimately decided that this was the right path for me.

There was one big problem though….

Fear.

Even though my heart knows that I will never be happy unless I am serving another as a lifetime , I have a constant battle with my head telling me no.

I lead a good life, make plenty of , have fulfilling relationships, and unlike some potential slaves, I’m not running away or escaping anything.

The trouble comes because sometimes it feels like, if I make the choice to enter this life that I’d be throwing away my one.

A tells me I over-think everything, and he’s right.  In this case, I’m afraid that I wouldn’t be living the life everyone “expects” me to, but that’s pretty low on the list of my fears.

My biggest fears really revolve around three things

  1. I’m afraid that, if I am ever offered the choice to be released from my commitment to serve my master, that I’ll chose to leave, not because I do not want to continue, but because my head will take over and I’ll leave for the wrong reasons.
  2. Most importantly, I’m afraid that, a few years down the road, after years of service to my master, that he will choose to end the relationship, and I’ll be sent back into the world unprepared for the future.
  3. I’m afraid that, after wanting this my whole life, that I’ll end up finding out that I made the wrong decision. I’ll expand on that thought below

I know those probably seem like odd reasons to be afraid, but the internet is full of stories of people with regrets, and I’d like to not be one of them.

Especially with number 2 above, many potential masters I’ve talked to  request no contact with the outside world.  I’m fine with that, but there’s some pretty big things I’m giving up to make that happen, and in exchange, I think it’s fair to expect that those things are traded for a guarantee (or at least good faith effort) to ensuring that I don’t need to worry about being placed into a bad  situation in the future.

Finally, on number 3 above:

One of the stories on this site ends with the main character regretting his decision. In the end, however, there’s nothing he can do to change his circumstances, and, in a strange way, that’s part of the unexplainable intrigue that comes with allowing someone else to control your life. You know that there are times you’ll wish you weren’t in that situation, but you cannot change it.

So yes, it’s perhaps a bit “wacky” to want these things, but sometimes you can never explain why or how you feel.

What I Ultimately Am Looking For…

When I make the decision to make this commitment, it will be with a master who understands that sometimes the words spoken on this site are too literal, and that the spirit of their meanings is what’s important.  Sometimes we THINK we know what we want, but once we get it, discover it’s not what we wanted at all.

I’m hoping there’s a master out there who gets that, and can help me move beyond my fears, and push my boundaries.

In exchange, they will be receiving a slave with utmost dedication and gratitude, who will do whatever it takes to make that master fulfilled.

I hope that answers your question, I appreciate your taking the time to ask.



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